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A little while ago I traveled down memory lane and rediscovered the joys of the rotary telephone. On that journey, I found a couple of pamphlets designed to teach kids how to use the phone.

It also described proper etiquette when making a call.

Such booklets were quite natural, I thought. Children need to learn good manners. So, imagine my surprise when I came across a similar pamphlet, only this time targeted toward people of an older persuasion.

Put out by the Ohio Bell Telephone Company, the point of this booklet was to encourage adults to engage in good telephone manners at work. Each page has various illustrations and a small amount of text, to drive home the point. It’s like a grade school reader, set in the workplace. Very strange.

I don’t know how many businessmen, especially in the 1950s, would have responded to guidance given this way, but the tips are still sound and the illustrations are beautiful.

Even though decades have passed, we could all use a refresher course on proper telephone procedures and we get to enjoy some fantastic illustrations along the way. So, let’s go!

The good advice starts on the inside cover.

The next page continues this theme. “Naturally you want to make the best possible impression on this important person. You want him or her to feel that you are alert, efficient, courteous and willing—nice to do business with. That’s only good sense. And IT’S GOOD BUSINESS.”

“Your caller is going to form this pleasant impression solely from what he hears—what you say and how you say it. So turn the page and let’s review some telephone habits that will paint a good picture of you.”

Hopefully the illustration next to this paragraph is not an accurate depiction of “a good picture of you.” It’s a half-man, half-telephone creature, who is actually turning the page of the pamphlet. Anyway, he’s cute.

But now that the introductions are complete, we can turn toward the heart of the matter, proper etiquette.

“On your Toes?” the headline reads. Here we see a handsome businessman in a gray suit and red tie, reaching for the phone which is obviously ringing.

The pamphlet advises you to “Answer promptly—before the second ring if possible.” If you dilly-dally, you end up like this fellow in the bottom corner of the page, letting the phone ring while his mind is in never-never land.

On the next page an impeccably dressed young woman chats on the phone with a smile. The advice? “Speak directly into the transmitter—in a normal tone.”

The bad example—a dark-haired raven, smoking a cigarette and waving a hand around. I think the orange splotches means she’s talking much too loudly, but this isn’t exactly clear.

“Business Like?” is the next question. A silver haired woman, with a lovely brooch, cheerfully speaks to a customer on the phone. The advice: “Identify yourself on all calls—incoming or outgoing—by name, company or department.”

There is no bad example on this page, just a strange one. Our little telephone man is back, standing under a banner that says “WHO IS “HELLO?” I’m not quite sure what they mean by that? Perhaps they are referring to the fact that you never really know who is on the other end of the line, and you should always treat them with courtesy and respect. That’s my guess anyway.

Here we have a wonderful tie salesman, fabulously dressed in a pinstripe suit. He even has a handkerchief peeking out of the breast pocket. He is practicing good behavior. “Transfer calls properly. Explain to caller—flash operator S-L-O-W-L-Y.. give full information.”

If the call goes wrong, our little telephone man is “LOST and MAD.” His call got misplaced between the Credit Department and the Service Department.”

Next the pamphlet turns toward efficiency and who would be more efficient than a nurse. Here she is traditionally dressed with a white smock and a white hat. There’s even a microscope and some test tubes on the table in front of her. The phone is also on the table, with the handset off the hook. The advice? “Leaving the line for records or information? Explain. Your party may prefer a call-back to a wait.”

This time for the bad example, our telephone man has choked himself with the phone line wrapped around his neck! Apparently he waited wayyyy too long. You can tell he’s dead because there are crosses over his eyes and his tongue is sticking out of his mouth. The banner over his head, “HANGING ON THE LINE.” Apparently here they meant that literally.

Now to a construction site, where a burly foreman is speaking on a wall phone while holding onto a clipboard. You can tell he’s also an efficient gentlemen, who works hard to keep everything running smoothly. The advice continues from the page before and there are tips on what to say when you pick the handset back up. “Returning to the line? Make an introductory remark—“Thank you for waiting” or “I have those records.”

The bad example shows a customer surprised and frightened when a voice blares out of the speaker. The banner overhead? “DON’T STARTLE HIM!”

Now we turn toward dependability. Here we see the most efficient secretary, about to lick an envelope. She has a sturdy typewriter before her. To her side, of course, a telephone where she practices the following: “Keep telephone promises—make that call-back; deliver that message; write that letter; fill that order.”

If you don’t all the notes labeled rush, hurry and today, end up in the trash. “TCH! TCH!”

On the next page our secretary is still in action, greeting a customer personally. Yet this causes a new problem. Now she has to leave her phone and there were no answering machines in those days. What should she do? Our pamphlet has the answer! “Leaving your telephone? Leave word when you expect to return or where you may be reached.”

If you don’t, customers like this blonde girl get so frustrated the only thing to do is put a hand to your forehead and wonder: “O WHERE! O WHERE!”

Of course, efficiency and dependability are worthy attributes, but so is being accurate. Here a hand dials the phone, with a notepad at the ready. The advice? “Get the right number: Look it up! Dial it right! Allow time to answer—about a minute.”

If you’re not careful you could end up with a dreaded “WRONG NUMBER!”

Another sign of efficiency, is to have your own up-to-date, personal telephone directory. Most cell phones come with an app to keep track of your contacts, but back then you had to write it down. Most people had a special book just for important phone numbers and addresses. “Your own handy list of frequently called telephone numbers will save you time and trouble,” the brochure promises.

Otherwise you won’t remember an important number and suffer the fate of this poor girl. “WHY WONDER?”

Now we come to the most important thing of all. Always be courteous. Here a woman at the credit department has a smile on her face, while she helps a customer with a problem. Credit difficulties are never easy, but being polite helps. “Listen attentively without interrupting,” the book advises. “Be tactful. Use polite phrases. Just be courteous.”

This fellow has let his temper run away with him. He slams down the phone, shouting “NO! NO!” It looks like he’s doing all the yelling AFTER the call has been disconnected, so the effect may be diluted. Details details.

You know this gentleman is always polite, he just has that kind of face. Here is the advice he follows: “When placing a call, always be ready to talk when your party answers. When finished, hang up gently.”

If you get mad, like our phone slammer above, then you could bust this poor lady’s eardrum. “OUCH!”

And finally, be pleasant. “A friendly voice tells the caller you are genuinely interested, alert and courteous.”

“Think of what you are saying. Say it clearly and pleasantly. And mean it sincerely.”

Our telephone man has it right. “That’s it!”

The last two pages of the brochure sum up these tips nicely. They say: “So that’s you! Sounds like a good person to do business with. And that’s the way you want to sound to the boss, friend, business associate or CUSTOMER at the other end of your telephone line.”

Always remember, “GOOD TELEPHONE HABITS ARE GOOD BUSINESS!”

And also remember that GVS is your home for Glorious Vintage Stuff!